Marriage

Sometimes it's very difficult to be married. I don't think very many people realize that until they are in a marriage and watching it fall apart. I would not say mine is falling apart but I could see how it or anyone's could, as things just seem to spiral out of control at times. I have a great husband but at times I struggle with feelings that are not all that positive. The past couple of weeks we have definitely been in a RUT. We often do not agree on kid issues. You would think that with 3 grown children those things would go away. I think it's even more difficult as 1 child is mine and the other 2 are his. Step parenting is really, really hard. I was reading some past journals of mine and noticed a lot of the same problems we argue about have never changed even though the kids are not KIDS anymore. Really, one of the biggest issues with us is communication. We will get in a disagreement and we never REACH an agreement but we will stop arguing (probably because we both know we are not getting anywhere!) and then he can just act like we never had a negative conversation at all about "whatever" we were just disagreeing about until it comes up again and then it's just the same argument all over again. Big vicious circle. Sometimes we go "round & round" just over communication. :) "you said, "bla bla"...no I didn't I said, "bla bla bla". It's really pretty funny if anyone could listen in. I could probably come up with some stand up comedy on some of our conversations and be the next one to have my own TV show! ha ha.

I noticed on my Facebook page that quite a few of my high school friends that I have reconnected with after 20 some years are either divorced or going through a divorce now. I would really hate that. I don't want to let my marriage get to that point ever. I think that feeling of throwing in the towel can sometimes be that little devil sitting on our shoulder. I feel it sometimes over the smallest of things and I don't have to deal with the big stuff like drinking, drugs, affairs, gambling, etc. It just seems it would be easier and I know that is so totally not true. I know God has been really good to me and I guess sometimes I just wish my husband would feel toward me a little more like I think I feel towards him (when it's the positive stuff OF COURSE!) The other night I was really happy and telling him a story and before I could even finish he interrupted about part of my story that he totally took the wrong way. Those communication issues again. Anyway, I just walked out of the room & quit talking. It really kind of hurt my feelings. He bought me a flower yesterday so he must of realized he was being a dummy. ;) At least he is still willing to keep working with me, on this road trip we are on, called marriage. It is work, and sometimes there is fun and passion and good times and good communication and sometimes there is the rut that we have to come up out of....at least when one of us makes it to the top we are still willing to pull the other out too.

Therefore we also,

since we are surrounded by

so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us lay aside every

weight, and the sin which

so easily ensnares us, and let

us run with endurance the race that

is set before us.

-Hebrews 12:1